So without going into a lot of detail, my husband will be leaving for his fourth deployment sometime within the next few months. Even though this is his fourth deployment, and we have been blessed to have almost two years together uninterrupted by a deployment (for the first three deployments he would only be home for six months between deployments), I feel like this deployment will be the hardest because of our child. The first deployment- it was just Kiel and I, and I coped the way any 22 year old coped with her husband leaving- I went to the bar with my best friends and got shit faced A LOT. The second deployment- I was pregnant. I gave birth on December 30th and Kiel returned home around the end of February. The third deployment- Loki was barely a year old. He got to web cam with Kiel occasionally, but it's not like he really understood, and I was so busy with my internship at the DNC and being a mommy to a newly mobile toddler. When Kiel got back, Loki recognized him and Kiel was able to jump right into Loki's new routine.
But now Loki is 3.He notices when Kiel isn't home. This is a whole new ball game for me. I'm not working and I'm not sure if I want to just yet, as Loki is going through a lot (potty training, I finally got him to get rid of that fucking binky and I can just tell that he already knows something is going on), and I want him to be certain that I am here for him and blah blah blah, of course, if I start working again and he is in day care full time again, it may give him the routine and the friends that could make the days go by faster for him. See all the variables that come into play with this situation?!
When do we tell him Kiel is leaving? How do we tell him Kiel is leaving? How much do we tell him regarding what Kiel does when he is away and how well would he be able to comprehend what we tell him?
And what do I do? Do I continue the role of being unemployed/SAHM (stay at home mom)? Should I find some small part time job to keep me busy or find something else to occupy my time (pinterest? gym? some other awesome thing I just can't think of right now?). Of course, I want to continue working, finding my path- career wise. But my first priority is making sure that Loki is ok. You hear all of these examples of how some kids react when their parent deploys- getting sick, having accidents, acting out etc. So my biggest concern is making sure that Loki knows that everything is ok. His Daddy is at work, being a hero and he always comes home to us.
So now we are in the waiting and figuring things out phase, which really is the worst part. The waiting is almost as bad as the deployment, but at least during the deployment the clock has started ticking for when he will come home.
OH and for those of you that hang out and talk to me in real life (most of you already know this, but just in case), I don't want to hear any of that "OMG! You are SOOOO strong..." type of crap. It really annoys me. I am not being strong. Kiel is the one being strong, Kiel is the one that is actually deploying to some shit hole and has to leave his family behind to go kick ass and be a hero. I'm just holding down the fort in his absence. And yes, having Kiel go away breaks my heart and disrupts many aspects of our life, but it's Kiel job and he loves his job. And the biggest part of the partnership of marriage is the willingness to make sacrifices for the person you love.
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