So without going into a lot of detail, my husband will be leaving for his fourth deployment sometime within the next few months. Even though this is his fourth deployment, and we have been blessed to have almost two years together uninterrupted by a deployment (for the first three deployments he would only be home for six months between deployments), I feel like this deployment will be the hardest because of our child. The first deployment- it was just Kiel and I, and I coped the way any 22 year old coped with her husband leaving- I went to the bar with my best friends and got shit faced A LOT. The second deployment- I was pregnant. I gave birth on December 30th and Kiel returned home around the end of February. The third deployment- Loki was barely a year old. He got to web cam with Kiel occasionally, but it's not like he really understood, and I was so busy with my internship at the DNC and being a mommy to a newly mobile toddler. When Kiel got back, Loki recognized him and Kiel was able to jump right into Loki's new routine.
But now Loki is 3.He notices when Kiel isn't home. This is a whole new ball game for me. I'm not working and I'm not sure if I want to just yet, as Loki is going through a lot (potty training, I finally got him to get rid of that fucking binky and I can just tell that he already knows something is going on), and I want him to be certain that I am here for him and blah blah blah, of course, if I start working again and he is in day care full time again, it may give him the routine and the friends that could make the days go by faster for him. See all the variables that come into play with this situation?!
When do we tell him Kiel is leaving? How do we tell him Kiel is leaving? How much do we tell him regarding what Kiel does when he is away and how well would he be able to comprehend what we tell him?
And what do I do? Do I continue the role of being unemployed/SAHM (stay at home mom)? Should I find some small part time job to keep me busy or find something else to occupy my time (pinterest? gym? some other awesome thing I just can't think of right now?). Of course, I want to continue working, finding my path- career wise. But my first priority is making sure that Loki is ok. You hear all of these examples of how some kids react when their parent deploys- getting sick, having accidents, acting out etc. So my biggest concern is making sure that Loki knows that everything is ok. His Daddy is at work, being a hero and he always comes home to us.
So now we are in the waiting and figuring things out phase, which really is the worst part. The waiting is almost as bad as the deployment, but at least during the deployment the clock has started ticking for when he will come home.
OH and for those of you that hang out and talk to me in real life (most of you already know this, but just in case), I don't want to hear any of that "OMG! You are SOOOO strong..." type of crap. It really annoys me. I am not being strong. Kiel is the one being strong, Kiel is the one that is actually deploying to some shit hole and has to leave his family behind to go kick ass and be a hero. I'm just holding down the fort in his absence. And yes, having Kiel go away breaks my heart and disrupts many aspects of our life, but it's Kiel job and he loves his job. And the biggest part of the partnership of marriage is the willingness to make sacrifices for the person you love.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
....the trouble with daycare....and potty training
So back in July 2011, I put Loki in daycare part time while I went to go play on the Obama campaign. Then when I got my campaign manager position, he naturally switched to full time as I was working all the time and then some. So keep in mind that Loki was there 40+ hours a week for at least 8 months.
Now to dodge an area, but we are potty training. When asking our friends for advice, most of them told us- "No clue, daycare did it." So I was pretty confident when Loki went to full time that he would be potty trained.
BUT HE HASN'T BEEN! And his school is actually pressuring ME to do it so he can move up to the next class. WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO WITH HIM FOR 8 MONTHS? Oh that's right...they were getting different teachers. My kid has had at least 5 teachers (even though he has only been in 2 classes) over the past year. 5 teachers.....And at a parent teacher conference with one of the teachers (she had been there a grand total of 3 weeks), she told me that Loki wasn't strong in his problem solving skills.....HUH? Put something Loki wants out of his reach and see how strong those problem solving skills are.
BUT......Loki's verbal and communication skills have strengthened since he started there, he can count in English and Spanish, he is learning.
AND THE BIG ONE- Loki has a best friend there. They do everything together. Loki talks about him at home, and I don't know if I can separate them. I know Loki is going to be moving enough if Kiel stays in the military and I want to keep that to minimum-ish....
So Loki is now back to going part-time while I enjoy being a stay at home Mom a little bit longer (depending on my LSAT results or if I line something up for the next election cycle). And when Kiel deploys soon, I'm going to need those couple of days a week to just chill the fuck out and have some grown up time.
Maybe once I get him fully potty trained, the school won't piss me off so much. He was doing so well, but then one day he had an accident in his Buzz Lightyear underwear and he was so embarrassed and so upset that he had to change his underwear (even though I told him it's ok to have accidents), that he just hasn't been the same. BUT...I think I'm going to check out some other daycares and see if any of them jump out at me.
Now to dodge an area, but we are potty training. When asking our friends for advice, most of them told us- "No clue, daycare did it." So I was pretty confident when Loki went to full time that he would be potty trained.
BUT HE HASN'T BEEN! And his school is actually pressuring ME to do it so he can move up to the next class. WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO WITH HIM FOR 8 MONTHS? Oh that's right...they were getting different teachers. My kid has had at least 5 teachers (even though he has only been in 2 classes) over the past year. 5 teachers.....And at a parent teacher conference with one of the teachers (she had been there a grand total of 3 weeks), she told me that Loki wasn't strong in his problem solving skills.....HUH? Put something Loki wants out of his reach and see how strong those problem solving skills are.
BUT......Loki's verbal and communication skills have strengthened since he started there, he can count in English and Spanish, he is learning.
AND THE BIG ONE- Loki has a best friend there. They do everything together. Loki talks about him at home, and I don't know if I can separate them. I know Loki is going to be moving enough if Kiel stays in the military and I want to keep that to minimum-ish....
So Loki is now back to going part-time while I enjoy being a stay at home Mom a little bit longer (depending on my LSAT results or if I line something up for the next election cycle). And when Kiel deploys soon, I'm going to need those couple of days a week to just chill the fuck out and have some grown up time.
Maybe once I get him fully potty trained, the school won't piss me off so much. He was doing so well, but then one day he had an accident in his Buzz Lightyear underwear and he was so embarrassed and so upset that he had to change his underwear (even though I told him it's ok to have accidents), that he just hasn't been the same. BUT...I think I'm going to check out some other daycares and see if any of them jump out at me.
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