The Family Bed

I know it has been forever since I have posted anything. I guess we have just been getting settled into our life in Florida. Loki has started VPK (voluntary pre-k), Halo takes the occasional couple of steps, Kiel is determined to get the physique of The Rock and I'm making friends and trying to figure out what my next move is be it work, getting my MA, or keep riding this whole domestic mommy train.

But those are topics for another time. Today I wanted to talk about "The Family Bed." Basically it is when a family shares a bed. It is also referred to a bed sharing, cosleeping and I'm sure it has had a plethora of other names throughout time.

Flash back to Kiel and I's first year of marriage; so many nights we would lay in our king sized bed. Basically still kids at 21 and 22, we used to snuggle in a bed that was way too big for us and picture a time that would come when our bed would be full of us snuggling with sleeping babies.

Then came Loki:

 

Granted, Loki didn't really sleep in our bed after he weaned off the breast and we got him in his crib. He just wouldn't fall asleep next to us. But when we moved him to a toddler bed, he started to wander into our bed a few nights a week and when Kiel deployed, he spent almost every night Kiel was gone in bed with me. And I was fine with that. Lots of changes going on for him and it was comforting to be asleep next to his Momma.

 

 

 

 

 

Once Halo arrived, he slept in our bed less. But then we had a little lady who was nursing every 2 hours and I was exhausted. After nodding off while I was sitting up and feeding her, I realized it was easier on me and safer for her if she just laid next to me and nursed so I could get some more sleep.

 

 

 

She would sleep longer next to me. At first I didn't sleep well (always scared I would roll over on top of her) but eventually that passed and I would actually get some decent sleep. Kiel says when Halo and I are asleep, he sees her reach for me. He has even heard us "talk" (basically make noises back and forth to each other) while we are asleep.

 

 

Then Loki started to climb back in bed with us. Initially we were so scared about the possible consequences as it is said that while mothers are able to sleep next to their babies and still be aware of their positioning, siblings are not. And Loki is a wanderer. Somehow when he would sleep with us, both Kiel and I would end up with slivers of the bed to sleep on and Loki would be spread out, as comfy as can be. Most of the time, it works out just fine. I'm pretty sure that is because Kiel becomes super aware of Loki's positioning and just snuggles him over to his side of the bed.

 

So for almost a year (Halo turns 1 next month), we have had this sweet little girl in bed with us for just about every single night. She won't sleep anywhere else. We had a short time where I could get her to sleep in her crib for a few hours but now as soon as we start to lay her down, her eyes snap open and she grabs our shirt with her "kung-fu grip." Every now and then Loki will climb into bed with us. And yes, Kiel and I tend to wake up on a slivers on our bed and sometimes with really bad back aches. Making love in our bed really isn't an option when you have a baby in it (although that hasn't stopped us from exploring other areas of the house- *hint for other bedsharing families) and sometimes I just crave to have my bed belong to just my husband and I and not my entire freaking family ("This is not your bed/room!" is a common phrase for me to say to my kids).

 

 



 



But then you have those moments where you wake up and look at the sleeping people next to you and you realize- your whole world, your heart is laying next to you. The people you love more than anyone or anything else love you so much that they feel better, safer sleeping in your bed with you. And one day Loki will be a man and Halo will be a woman and they will no longer want to sleep next to me. They will want to fall asleep next to their friends, lovers, spouses and children. This is a very special time when they love their Momma and Daddy as much as we love them. Kiel and I will never be more loved than we are right now. So I will continue to share my bed with my children as long as they wish to snuggle in bed with me. It doesn't mean that I'm going to stop trying to get Halo to sleep in her bed every now and then, or not put Loki to sleep in his room every night. It means that I won't feel defeated when I try to lower Halo into her bed and her eyes open and she grabs me. Nor will I send Loki away when he comes into my room in the middle of the night asking to sleep with me. I'm going to ride the snuggle train until the wheels fall off that bitch!

How I Fought Off Mastitis Naturally (NO ANTIBIOTICS!)

I don't know any modern mommy that wasn't petrified of getting mastitis while they were breast feeding. To gloss over- mastitis is a breast infection that is usually caused by a plugged milk duct which is usually caused from baby not feeding enough or from an over production of milk. Clogged ducts are EXTREMELY common during baby's first 8 weeks because your body is regulating itself to baby's feeding demand and basically feels like a lump in the breast with some soreness. With Halo, I got my first plugged duct shortly after my milk came in (and yes I went all WebMD on it and thought I had breast cancer and made Halo's doctor feel my boob and reassure me when we went to Halo's two week appointment). Usually if I take a hot bath where I submerge the twins (and massage them in the tub). pop an ibuprofen and then feed Halo and pump vigorously, I can work out a plugged duct on my own. For a really stubborn one, I have had Kiel massage the lump. This isn't a sexual thing folks, and to be honest- Kiel really doesn't like doing it because he has to massage very, very hard and he is afraid that he is hurting me. BUT- this has worked for me numerous times.

Now, the reason why mastitis is so scary is because it makes a super sucky situation for both mom and baby. It presents itself as flu symptoms! The flu sucks, so that alone is just awful. OH but it gets worse. Many times the only solution a doctor has for mastitis is to use antibiotics. What is a common side effect of antibiotics with women? YEAST INFECTIONS. That's right. A good ol' batch of crotch rot to go with your tit infection- therefore turning this into a full on suck fest for your lady parts. BUT I'm not done yet.....How about we take that yeast infection and we give it to your baby and infect your baby's mouth making it a breast to mouth yeast infection also known as thrush. Oh yeah. Let's not just infect you but let's poison the well and infect your baby. Then the baby has to go through treatments to combat thrush, but there is the possibility that baby and mom will just pass the infection back and forth to each other. This scenario leads to many women feeling as though they have to stop breast feeding which denies baby the best food there is and makes many women feel sad that they had to stop. Not to mention the whole other situation about how we are so quick to take antibiotics as opposed to letting our bodies heal themselves which leads to an immunity to antibiotics and how rough they can be on little one's tummies. The first time Loki had antibiotics, he was a year old and it was so rough on his digestive system, it made him throw up. Lord knows what it would do to my newborn.

See why this is such a terrifying situation?

So one morning, a couple weeks before Christmas, I wake up feeling achy. Did I sleep wrong? I'm walking to the bathroom and as I pass the mirror I stop and take a look at myself. Across my breast there is a large, red, splotchy patch (I sleep with a nursing tank which is low cut so it was easy to see this). I touched the patch and it was warm. These were signs of mastitis. Then it made sense. The body aches. The run down feeling that I had attributed to having a new baby and not sleeping. I had even thrown up the day before, but I thought it was simply because I had taken a pain killer (for mentioned body aches and residual C-section pain) and perhaps I didn't have enough food in my stomach. I lifted my arm and felt my breast with the opposite arm. I couldn't feel any lumps but this was text book mastitis. Suddenly thoughts of my waiting in a military clinic waiting room, antibiotics, crotch rot, thrush and my dreams of  exclusively breastfeeding (or EBF) my daughter for at least the first six months of her life being squashed flashed in my head. I had to beat this, and I had to do it without antibiotics.

Now here are some disclaimers- I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not even an EMT anymore and please do not take my situation and what I did as the holy grail. I urge you to do your research and if mastitis doesn't start to improve 24 hours after trying natural remedies then get your ass to the doctor. That being said- this is exactly what I did-

1: DO NOT STOP FEEDING THE BABY!!! Baby needs to eat and you need that duct to get unclogged. So feed feed feed. DO NOT STOP FEEDING FROM THE INFECTED SIDE! It is going to hurt. And increased feedings are not going to make your nipples feel better. But dammit you are a woman. You dealt with pregnancy, labor and that hell we call the first few weeks of baby's life (you know- BEFORE you and baby got into your groove). So pop an ibuprofen to help with inflammation and pain, put on your big girl panties and feed and pump like there is no tomorrow.

2: GARLIC. Garlic is the freaking king of natural remedies! It's basically a natural antibiotic and boosts your immune system. And you are going to eat it raw. That's right: RAW. I love garlic so this wasn't a huge thing for me. So this is how I ate it: chopped garlic on a piece of buttered toast. I ate it like this about three times a day and then I also put chopped garlic on every meal.

3: EGGS. Eggs are a natural source of lecithin. Lecithin supplements are used to unclog ducts. So guess what you are eating? For an even bigger boost- put some raw chopped garlic on those over easy eggs! I thought it was yummy. PLUS- lecithin supplements have been linked to depression, but since you are getting your source from an egg and not from a pill- no depressed side effects :)

4: CRANBERRY JUICE- We all know how awesome cranberry juice is for infections (how many of us have chugged it at the first sign of a UTI?). I read that cranberry juice is good for preventing just about any bacterial infection, so I figured why not? And chugged it along with my water. BTW if you are breastfeeding, you should already be drinking a ton of water so keep that up.

5:HOT BATHS- Warmth is good for getting rid of plugged ducts. So I filled up the tub and submerged my boobs in the water. I tried to massage my breasts but they hurt so fucking much that I just let them hang there. Plus it is super relaxing and one of the other reasons a clogged duct can turn into mastitis is because new moms are tired and stressed. As hard as it sounds- taking it easy can do wonders to help your body heal itself.

6:SLEEP. I stayed in bed just about all day. I plopped Halo in the bed with me and we snuggled. I had my breast out right next to her so whenever she was hungry all she had to do was turn her head and start to feed. Catching up on your zzzzzzz's  gives the body energy to heal.

7: CABBAGE LEAVES- I thought that this was a bit hokey when I first read this- putting cold cabbage leaves on the breast. Basically, stuff your bra with cabbage leaves. Sounds crazy but it works! The coldness of the cabbage feels great on achy breasts and apparently cabbage leaves are able to pull moisture or something to that effect so they are able to dry out the plugged duct. BUT do not leave the leaves on you for a long time because they can, in effect, dry up your supply. The rule of thumb that I found while scouring the internet is to leave them on until they start to wilt then toss them (this was about 30 minutes for me) and to only put them on about 3 times a day. Also- I had tried to put the leaves in the freezer but it was too cold for me and basically as soon as the leaves thawed (about 10-15 minutes) they were wilted and gross. So just stick the head of cabbage in the produce bin in the fridge. In fact- make sure to have one on hand in the fridge from here on out.

I did all of this on day 1 and when I woke up on day 2, the patch was still there but much less noticeable, I didn't have flu symptoms anymore and while my breast still hurt- I would attribute that more to the torturous regimen I had just subjected it to as opposed to the mastitis itself. By day 3 the patch was completely gone and the pain in my breast went away a few days later.

So that's what I did. And it worked for me. I certainly hope it could help someone else but I must stress again- if your symptoms do not improve after 1 day of vigorously trying every natural remedy you can find- then get your ass to a doctor! Many women that have dealt with mastitis and thrush have still continued to breastfeed and its not guaranteed that thrush or anything bad will happen from using antibiotics. I just know my body and know that I will get a yeast infection if you even mention antibiotics to me. And I'm not trying to bash the use of antibiotics either. I think they are great. But they are not to be used every time you feel ill or you will develop an immunity to the antibiotics and they wont work as well when you REALLY need them. So if you are like me (or if you just would like to avoid antibiotics) please try the steps I have listed above and see if you can use the power of natural remedies to cure the evil breast infection known as mastitis.

Baby Stuff

So on October 24, 2013, my daughter Halo Taryn was born. Kiel got to be here for it... Which I can't even explain how happy that has made me...but I thought I would tell the story of Halo's birth and share my experience with a repeat C-section (being that when I was nervous and googling "repeat C-section" like crazy, for the most part I got a bunch of sob stories or judgmental "do a VBAC" type crap).

The worst part the night before surgery was having to stop eating and drinking at 10. Not because I was hungry, but because I was thirsty! I must have chugged 4 bottles of water in the half hour before my deadline, hoping it would tide me over until I woke. Thankfully we woke up at 4:45 am so I could get to the hospital by 5:30, but I was still thirsty. I may have taken my pills early just so I could have a drink of water....so sue me. The info paper said I could drink some water with medication.

So after waking up my moms (they flew in the night before), kissing Loki goodbye (which did make tear up) and telling my mother "You don't need to put on makeup to go to the hospital so get your ass in the car before my spot gets bumped," we were on our way.

Now if only the hospital was ready for us....

We got here and they hooked me up to the monitors and got an IV started on me. My moms went to get coffee because they are insensitive like some mofos, and I just sat there staring at the clock. They told me I was estimated to go into surgery between 7:30-8:30. When 7:30 came and passed my nerves turned to getting pissed off. I was tired, hungry and soooo thirsty. Let's get this show on the road people! Turns out there was a commander's call that all the doctors had to be on...be seriously, if they had this call why did they schedule me so damn early?!

A little after 9:00, I was given this funky drink that was about the size of a shot that was super sour and tasted like lemon. It was to help keep me from barfing during surgery. It just made me more thirsty. A nurse gave Kiel scrubs so he could go into the OR with me (he looked so tired and so excited). Then I stood up and we followed the nurse to my operating room. Kiel had to wait outside and I went in to get my spinal block and get all prepped for surgery.

I sat on the bed. And all of sudden I went from being impatient to super fucking nervous. I saw all the surgery stuff and seriously thought of telling them to just forget this whole surgery thing and let's have her get here on her own. I even thought about forgetting the whole baby thing and sticking with Loki but my next thought reminded me that at 39 weeks pregnant that thought was fucking dumb and that this baby was coming one way or another. I remembered Loki's scary birth, preeclampsia, Kiel
on Skype from Iraq, gestational diabetes, being pregnant with a three year old and Kiel being in Afghanistan. The tears, the fears, the nausea, the inability to sleep, the thirty pounds, the bloating, the waddling, feeling as sexy as day old dog shit, the hormonal bitch fits, that my husband waiting outside was able to get home to me for this and that my moms were already on their way to my house
to get my pop pop and Loki who was so excited to meet "his baby Halo."

I could do this. All I had to do was lay there.

I arched my back in preparation for the spinal block. I felt the prick and then it felt like fire was shooting down my right leg. I think they missed. "My leg," I said as I started crying, "my leg burns."

The nurse...or doctor. I met a lot of both that morning. Redid the injection and by the time I was fully positioned  (and even though this was a scheduled c section, my arms were strapped down...at least
one of them was for sure, my whole body felt heavy and immobile) on the OR table, I felt numb. But I also felt sick. Like that kind sick you feel when you drink too much and you aren't sure whether you want to run the bathroom and throw up or run to the bathroom and sleep on the cold floor. I told the nurse (doctor?) that I felt nauseated, but at the same time the narcotics in the injection hit me so I started crying because I wanted Kiel there. Some medicine was added to my IV, and my nausea went away, leaving me feeling high (so for those wondering- those are the differences I noticed between epidural  sand spinal blocks. 1-a spinal block is a single injection to the spine vs. an epidural's
constant and direct line into the spine and 2- spinal has narcotics in it because it wears off faster than an epidural and yes you will feel high). I was told that nausea I felt was due to a sudden drop in blood pressure. That made me giggle a bit. Both pregnancies I had to deal with high blood pressure (not so much with Halo as it went down and back to normal after I went back on my anxiety meds).

Then they brought Kiel in and he was such a sight for sore eyes. With Kiel there, I didn't feel alone. Even though with Loki, I had my moms and my sister, it just isn't the same as having your husband there with you. He just calms me and I know that with him, everything will be fine. He sat down on a stool next to my head. I think he held my hand? Like I said, I was high (which I promptly told him when he sat next to me). And then surgery started rolling along. I didn't feel anything for the most part. A nurse asked me if I felt anything. I said no and she said "Well that's good because they already started." I don't really remember what Kiel and I talked about. I doubt it was anything other than our usual small talk about silly things, but I'm still going to put as one of the best chats ever because of who it was with and what was happening around us.

Then I felt a ton of movement in my stomach. I knew this was them maneuvering Halo out. I was told I might possibly feel nauseas and throw up, but I didn't. I just felt excited. So excited that I held my breath waiting for those first cries and Kiel had to remind me "Breathe, baby." I looked up at the light above me and in the mirrored edges of it, I was able to see a bit of what was happening on the other side of the curtain. I saw a tiny leg. A tiny, chubby, pink leg (she was laid on top of me while they were severing the cord). And then I heard her cry. At 9:38 my daughter was born.

    She was so tiny at only 6lbs 3oz, but she was perfect. Scoring a 9 on her initial APGAR test (an assessment of her appearance, breathing and other functions done right after birth, a 7-10 is a healthy score with 10 being perfect and most C-section babies scoring on the lower end of normal or sometimes even below normal with the initial test), she was deemed healthy but still needed to be monitored for her blood sugar, since I had gestational diabetes. Kiel went with the baby and helped clean her up. Then he brought her to me so I could kiss her and they left so that I could get stitched up.

    So I tried to lay there and will the doctors to work not only skillfully, but quickly. I would have to go to into recovery before I would even be able to hold my daughter and put her to my breast. But before I could be fully stitched up, there was the matter of my fallopian tubes. I was getting a tubal ligation (aka tubes tied). This was done quickly, though. MY surgeon asked me, right before, "Krystle, are you sure you want to do this?" Still high, I replied, "Cut 'em, doc!" And with that, my tubes were cut and destroyed, preventing me from having any more children, any more pregnancy scares, and forever ending my decade long off/on relationship with ortho tri cyclen.

     I was wheeled into recovery. By now the narcotics had eased up enough to where I didn't feel (super) high, but I also didn't feel pain. "Let's hurry this up folks, I have a little girl to meet and snuggle and a little boy on his way here to see us," I told them. They were so awesome. I was told that I would be in recovery for a least an hour. The point being, to monitor me and also to check and see when the spinal block had worn off enough for me to regain movement, control and feeling in my legs. They had me out of there in less than 45 minutes. My blood pressure (which was quite low during surgery) was back to normal, my pulse was in the 70's, and my sugars were normal. As soon as I was at the minimal required levels to get out of recovery, they sent me out stressing "She needs to get to her baby to initiate breast feeding and maternal/child bonding."

   They rolled me into my room and there was Kiel, holding this little wrapped up bundle. He looked so ecstatic, talking to her. Then he handed her to me. She was so beautiful. I unwrapped her and looked her over. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a vagina (it was definitely a she!), bald, and looking almost exactly like my Loki when he was born! I put her to my breast and after only a few minutes, she latched perfectly! A technician came in to check her blood sugar once more, saying that with her last test she was right at the line of normal/low blood sugar. They checked her and her sugar was a little bit higher and perfectly normal- meaning that she wasn't diabetic AND that she was already getting colostrum from my breast (breast feeding after a C-section can be difficult, but I was able to nurse Loki for 7 months and Halo has been even easier to nurse!). A little later, my moms, Pop Pop and Loki arrived and I was in heaven having both of my children with me.

 

The rest of the stay was pretty basic but here are some things I noticed during my stay with the second c-section that differed from the first:



1. It did hurt more once the medicine wore off. The uterine contractions from breastfeeding were much stronger than the first time around. Once I got home, I actually needed to use the pain medication given to me. It wasn't unbearable pain, but it did suck.
2. With a second child, I was up and moving much faster. Probably because I had a 3 year old, so I knew I needed to get my ass walking around the hospital ASAP so I could recover as fast as possible and play with him. Having said that, I was pushing myself too hard and so much of my post partum bleeding would stop and then start back up due to over exertion.
3. Being that I knew what to expect, I had packed a lot more stuff that I knew I would need. Night gowns instead of pants (as they hurt the C-section scar), my belly bandit compression wrap (the tightness of the wrap helped to ease the pain and it's much more comfortable than the hospital wraps, I recommend the bamboo wrap if you are having a C-section), some lullaby music on my phone and my boppy pillow to ease with nursing.

I am so happy to have my family complete. I feel as though I am filled beyond capacity with love. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to love another child as much as I love Loki, but I can honestly say I love both Halo and Loki equally. They are different people and have won my heart with their own personalities. They are both such happy, easy going children and the nights where I have both of them sleeping with me (which is a lot- Loki tends to climb in our bed during the night and Halo just sleeps better when she is next me), I feel as though I am surrounded by such a beautiful, perfect love that I'm not sure how I was able to function in my life before they were in it.





 

 

My next blog (if I ever get to it! GRRRRR moving/ buying a house is very time consuming), will be about how I defeated mastitis (a breast infection that many nursing mothers know about and are terrified of) using natural remedies (NO ANTIBIOTICS!!!).